Defining Sports

Ever since high school I often found myself debating what exactly constituted a sport. I would argue with participants of the less popular activities over why basketball and football were superior. In order to validate my feelings toward the lesser activities, I developed criteria that an activity must meet in order to be considered a sport, and not just a leisure activity. Below I will list my criteria and discuss.

1.) There has to be defense.

When I say defense, I am not talking about simple physical constraints such as water or the lack of oxygen. I am referring to opponents whose objective is to beat you. Defense is a key to any popular sport. It brings the best out in everyone by injecting competitiveness. Without defense, you often here, “He really is battling inner demons,” or “It’s about self-discipline and concentration.” That is fantastic, but when you have defense not only do you have to battle yourself, you also have to battle someone who will do anything they can to prevent you from succeeding.

So with our first requirement, we have defined swimming, track, car racing or any of its derivatives, and golf as leisure activities. While we are on swimming, how can a guy who only swims win 6 different gold medals? I know this has been brought up before, but it upsets me every four years. Shouldn’t swimming get a single gold medal? Since a great swimmer can win so many gold medals, I think that next year there should be a medal awarded to the best freethrow shooter, the best three point shooter, the best rebounder, the best dunker, the best team, the MVP of the league, and the best defender. That way the best basketball athlete could also win 6 gold medals. When a guy as goofy as Michael Phelps can be the greatest Olympic champion of all time, it’s time to reevaluate the system. Clearly, something is not right.

2.) The sport requires top physical condition and its players peak in their 20’s, and decline in their 30’s.

At first look, this rule would seem to invalidate baseball. We’ve all seen fat pitchers on the mound who clearly are not in top condition. However, the other positions require conditioning so I will not let the pitchers destroy the entire sport, although they do not help baseball’s case. In addition, recently players have been peaking in their 30’s, but it has become obvious that this was due to steroids, so baseball gets a pass here also.

Top physical condition is important because it implies that the sport is extremely challenging and players must be in their prime as human beings to compete at the highest level. So, we can define bowling, darts, and golf as leisure activities. You should notice that many of the leisure activities violate more than one of the requirements. This only further condemns them.

3.) The sport must draw paying spectators.

If people do not want to watch the sport, it is not a sport. So, this pretty much encompasses all sports played by women with the sole exception of tennis. This requirement is also interesting because you can apply it at the national and international level. This requirement can be used to rank sports in your local area.

For example, in Texas the hierarchy would consist of football and basketball on top, then baseball, soccer, lacrosse, hockey, and finally rugby. Another way to look at this is that the best athletes will play football and basketball first, then baseball, then soccer, etc. So, if you are playing lacrosse in Texas, you probably got cut by the football team. However, in the Northeast, lacrosse and hockey may be on the same plateau as basketball and football. At the international level, football may be last and soccer or rugby would come in first.

Regardless, this requirement identifies leisure activities such as water polo, dodge ball, and other activities of that nature that no one cares about. One could argue that activities can switch from ‘sport’ to ‘leisure activity’ depending on the location. For example, in Texas nobody wants to watch lacrosse or rugby, so these could be considered leisure activities. In Mexico, no one wants to watch football.

So swimming, golf, track, water polo, cheerleading, dancing, dodge ball, car racing, gymnastics, cycling, and every sport played by women aside from tennis are all leisure activities. Okay? Glad we got that cleared up.